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My heart dropped, “I don’t think I will ever get over this”

Updated: Dec 22, 2020

While sitting in a meeting preparing the agenda for the International Overdose Awareness Day, our team’s conversation shifted to those who had lost their lives as the result of drug overdose and suicide.  There was a woman sitting next to me that had lost her daughter to suicide.  She began shedding tears and stated, “I don’t think I will ever get over this.”

My heart dropped and I was reminded about the recent seven deaths in my family that happened in less than a year, which two were the result of long drug use.  Also three deaths were in my immediate family.  My heart was gripped with sympathy as fear and anxiety resurfaced.

The most devastating call a person can get is that a loved one has passed away no matter the circumstances.  When you have received that call seven times in less than one year, it feels like an mental earthquake that shifts everyone in a building from side to side.  The occupants may or may not be related but all are gullible to the unpredictable shifting as many wait in fear hoping that “this too shall pass” and everyone will be safe.

When it seems safe to think all is well, yet another shaken takes place and you hear about another loss of life which may not be in close proximity to you, but the residue of the sting of your loss seems to reiterate in the form of fear and anxiety. Yes, you were taught to pray, trust God, and He knows best.  Some days it seems to work and others not.

In somewhat of a way of comfort, one may ask themselves, was that person sick and had been sick for some time and death was a confirmed outcome?  Did it have to do with overuse of drugs and alcohol?  Did over use of prescription medications cause death? Was it an undisclosed disease and a sudden death?   The realistic true’s and answers causes and effects to these questions can somewhat solidify inner turmoil, but not take away the sting of death.

During the most troubling time of his life Job said this, “Man that is born of a woman is of few days and full of trouble, He cometh forth like a flower, and is cut down: he fleeth also as a shadow, and continueth not,” (Job 14:2). Job had experience the loss of a family and knew from personal experience the fragility of life.

The psalmist wrote these words, “…Yea though, I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me,” (Psalm 23:4).

This life is full of troubles and walking through the valley of the shadow of death is an inner pain that seems endless.  The mental capacity is shattered and it seems life will never be normal.  There seems to be no safe haven that exists in the mind when hearing of another death.

But Jesus, who spoke the parable of the shepherd that lost one sheep, and left the ninety-nine to find the one, wept because of loss.  He was susceptible to the venerability’s and pain of loss.

He experienced infirmities as those of us walking in the flesh.  He not only walked through the valley of the shadow of death, he experienced death.  He is the Shepherd that guides the vulnerabilities of fear and anxiety to a safe place, a secret place where we can commune with Him our pains and afflictions in this life. Although the sting will remain for some time and for some until the end of their life, His comfort has a way of overshadowing and comforting the pain during those dark moments.

Although our whys may never be an answered… we might try to replace the loss with another person… the fear of loss is doormat in the shadows of our psyche letting us know the healing is still in process.  As the woman sitting next to me stated, “I don’t think I will ever get over this.”

Although we may not see light at the end of the dark tunnel, He will give peace in those dark places, as His peace surpasses our understanding, it’s a spiritual connection.


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