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Quarantined, unhealthy relationships, marriages, where are the good men?


I had an unhealthy marriage that was headed to divorce court. Two months after he filed, he was murdered by a policeman. Who was at fault? You will read in my upcoming book.


Many women don’t want to discuss their history of negative relationships. Either they never healed, are bitter, or have secluded the negative experience behind the walls of their soul.


The aftermath of that negative relationship left triggers that surface when another guy shows interest. But some women ignore the triggers and smother their unhealthy experience to fill the void, having a man in their life. Some marry knowing the pain exist. Their unhealed soul is misery in that relationship. Knowing that it’s an unfit, they force acceptance and love.


Throughout life I’ve seen women search for a fit. A man of their dreams, money, nice car, lavish crib, or a pair of pants just to say I have a man.


Well, that wasn’t me... yes, I’ve dated and I know what it’s like to try and fit someone you know will not fit in your family.


After a few guys, I resulted to focus on my dreams. I believed if it happens it will, if not I won’t neglect my life goals waiting.


The major accomplishment was to obtain a college degree. After completing my undergrad, I continued my education. I was never one to impress anyone, just simply followed my hearts desires.


Women have read multiple books, magazines, and novels, trying to understand true love...where do I find it, how do I know when it happens? But the word love was not spoken in their home. They didn’t hear or see mom and dad express love. The single parent accepted love from many angles of men, convenience, self-centered, unloved, unkept, which became short lived soap operas.


There were those women who watched relationships that seemed in tact, maybe their parents or others hoping they would have the same one day.


The search for true love has no status, everyone search for true love from the elites to the poor folks.


But wait, real talk, what are the odds that you will find that perfect man today? Good men are out there, but they are far from being perfect, or what you might consider perfect.


So what are the characteristics of a good man?


A man who loves himself... “For no one ever hated his own body, but [instead] he nourishes and protects and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,” (Ephesians 5:29).


Does he feed, shelter, and clothe himself? A man that beats and neglects himself only search for a relationship of convenience.


A man who does not include others in his relationship. For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined [and be faithfully devoted] to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh,” (Ephesians 5:31).


Third parties are dangerous. Most men object to another person interfering with their relationship. This has led to many separations and divorces. Third parties are best if it’s a life threatening situation.


He respects and wants the best for you and shows it through love and kindness. “...always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness...”

(Ephesians 5:33).


Ok ok, I know, you say he had all or at least most of these characteristics, but it still didn’t work out.


I’m only speaking from the perspective of what a woman wants. It works both ways. What does a man want?


A woman who respects him, “...respecting their position as protector and their responsibility to God as head of the house],” (Ephesians 5:24). “...and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear,” (Ephesians 5:33).


“She comforts, encourages, and does him only good and not evil All the days of her life,” (Proverbs 31:12).


A woman who is good with her hands, loves and takes care of her household, business minded and uses her profits wisely, equips herself mentally, physically, and spiritually. She is concerned about the poor and loves and cares for her children.


Geesh! Hard work! Seems unrealistic in today’s world...But real talk. No one wants to be disrespected, and treated less than human, unless they have succumbed to hatred and self-abuse.


Why I wrote from the perspective of married folks, there are folks who are looking for traditional relationships.


Preparation is provision for knowledge and wisdom which I didn’t learn prior to marriage... maybe I would have thought and considered differently... hmm!


~SAR~




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